I WAS STANDING outside a large house. It was almost like a university dormitory and I have no idea how I got there. It was so dark out that I couldn’t really make out the structure of the building either, but it seemed to be vast, rectangular, and have many windows. I had a small satchel full of coconuts with me and a machete. Don’t ask me how these came into my possession. My back was to the building, and I cut one of the coconuts open, and lifted it to drink its sweet water. Supposedly, this stuff is the healing elixir lifesource itself. Drink enough and you will be replenished. Instead, a kind of algal green slime poured forth. I let it run into the snow and could see the snow turn green. Fermented, I thought. Simply undrinkable.

From a basement level window, I could see steam puffing out, and when I peeked inside, I immediately saw a nude young woman. I stepped back, still holding my machete and coconuts, not wanting to get caught peeking, but then glanced through the window once more, and saw there were actually two women in there. One of them was straddling the other, and she was moaning. “Yes, yes, just like that,” she said. Maybe this was an all-woman’s dorm? I tried not to listen, but could not help but keep one ear focused. Why did these things keep happening to me? It’s not like I went around searching for showering lesbians. They found me all the same.

I pulled another coconut from my satchel and hacked off its top with my blade. To my surprise, it was actually two coconuts that had grown together, a kind of double-barrelled coconut, with two channels. The water was warm, sticky, sweet, refreshing, everything that coconut water was supposed to be and more. After draining both channels, I felt fully restored, and put the coconut in my bag for later consumption. The showering co-eds were still moaning downstairs, but I walked around the building, showed my pass, and went inside.

Down one hallway, I noticed stairs that led up to a computer lab. The room was dark, but all of the computer monitors were on. Esmeralda was sitting there, squinting at the screen. She was smiling. Esmeralda looked happy. Her brown hair was tied up in a bun, and she was wearing that dress she used to wear when she worked at the café. I thought she looked beautiful, with that special slope of her eyes. She really was such a beautiful girl. I didn’t want to disturb her. Esmeralda looked so happy sitting alone. Maybe someone else had sent her a love letter.

THE WEATHER WAS WARM but overcast, so I decided to take a bike ride through the Old Town. I got as far as the Town Hall Square, but didn’t see anyone, not a single soul. The Christmas market had been dismantled, and there were shipping pallets stacked up on the street corners. A few pigeons pecked about, but there were no people there. Not one person. All of the shops and restaurants were shut, as were the beer halls, puppet theatres, and amber dealers. Everything was closed, locked up tight. Even the Depeche Mode bar. I was mystified.

I rode my bike up toward the train station after that. This was the street called Nunne, but it looked different. Some hipster cafes were open, and chairs and tables were scattered across the street, but there was nobody seated in them. All of the empty chairs made it hard to pass by. But that wasn’t the only thing that was off. At the end of Nunne Street, I saw that there was now a canal separating the Old Town from the Baltic Station. There had always been a pond there at the foot of Toompea, called the Snelli Tiik, but this had flooded over and expanded.

The canal was quite wide and deep.

“A few elevated wooden platforms had been erected across the canal, but these were almost flooded over, with all of the runoff from the melting snow. The wood was also coming apart from the regular wear and tear. I was reminded of an article I once read written by Jaak Juske, about how there used to be a canal in the middle of Tallinn, but that they had filled it in sometime in the middle of the 1930s. I walked my bike across one of the bridges alone. Halfway across, I noticed that one of my tires was flat and I decided to pump it right there — I had a bike pump in my bag — but a pedestrian behind me, a blonde woman with a bunch of shopping bags, was annoyed with me. “Do you mind?” she said in Estonian. “You’re in the way. Tule eest!”

“Tule eest, yourself lady,” I y and continued pumping away. “Wait, you’re the only person I have seen all day. Where is everyone else?” I said. “There’s a big sale on at Viru Keskus,” she replied. “Major discounts in all the outlet stores, plus you can get a good deal at the new restaurants!”

The closer she got to me, the lower the canal platform sank. Finally, with the weight of all those shopping bags, the canal bridge collapsed into the green waters. The blonde shopper swirled in the rapids. I could see her outstretched arm and the bags from Zara and Sportland.

Then she was gone.

I swam briskly to the other side, pulling my bicycle across with me. The pump went floating by and I grabbed that too. Then I got up on the other bank of the canal, finished pumping my tires, and cycled away. I needed to make that last train to Viljandi. It would be leaving soon.

THE CAR DROPPED ME OFF just outside the city limits and screeched off into the polar night. It was near some home improvement stores and car dealers’ lots. The terrain was familiar, that long highway that stretched out past Karula and those dark forests all the way to Tallinn, but the area had been developed in my time away. It seemed that Swedish brands had moved in. There was a Spotify office, a Volvo dealer, and even a Marabou chocolate distributor now. A new shopping center had been built beside the other new one. I went in. In its central atrium, there stood a Christmas tree festooned with gold and tinsel, and little plastic mechanical elves and reindeer danced robotically to Andy Williams’ hit “Happy Holiday/The Holiday Season.”

I rode the escalator up to the second floor. Most of the shops were already closed, but there was a burger and fries fast food restaurant that was still open. A few local women tended to the fries, which sat in small cardboard containers glowing beneath a warm orange light. The burgers, fresh off the griddle, were dressed quickly in silver packaging and lined up to cool on a rack, like tiny astronauts. I placed an order for fries and waited for my number to be called. But when I looked back, all the lights had been turned off, and there were no burgers left.

Then a young woman came out holding my fries and she told me they had shut for the night. Her light hair was cut in bangs, or a fringe as they say, and she had two braids. She was an Estonian, for sure. She had light blue eyes. She said, “Soon I am going to go and live in a commune on the North Coast. There will be good people there, spiritual people. Would you be willing and come to live with me in the woods?” She handed me the fries and I thought it over. Why did I keep running into women like this? A commune on the North Coast? An ashram in India? I didn’t know what to make of it, but decided to tell her yes. When an Estonian fry cook with golden braids asks you to go live with her in a commune on the North Coast, you say yes.

WHERE DID SHE GO? I haven’t seen her in ages. And the last time I saw her, it was through the branches of a Christmas tree. It must have been recently then, but I still can’t remember. I decided though that I wouldn’t chase after her. I am tired of chasing after other people. Like Mr. Ray Davies sang back in 1965, “I’m so tired, tired of waiting, tired of waiting for you.”

But I am still waiting for her and looking for her. Three or five times a day I think I see her going into Viru or coming out of Uku. There’s a hundred Estonian girls who look just like her from behind, but when they turn around, it’s just not her. It just isn’t. Oh, they look fine in their striped shawls and long black coats, and with their dark potato brown hair, but they aren’t her. That shine she has in her eyes, it’s not in theirs. They lack some precious unnamed element.

One time I did see her again, but it was in a dream. She was wearing a yellow dress and a silver crown. I don’t know what those symbols mean. There was fire all around her in the dream, as if she was standing on the sun, or beside a volcano. She looked at me and then that was it. That was the last time I saw her, wearing a silver crown in a dream. I am sure I will see her again, but I am a little worried that if I do, it won’t really be her anymore. Maybe she has changed.

Maybe this too has been a dream.

‘BELOVED CHEF DEAD,’ so read the headline of the local newspaper that morning. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw it, because Smith was depicted there in a photo to accompany the article. He was wearing a khaki cotton suit, and had on a flat cap. Smith was sitting in the photo, but leaning forward, as if he was game for whatever life had on offer. He had a broad smile. He looked like an African prince on his way to study economics at Oxford. Oh, yeah, our Smith was a handsome fella if there ever was one. He drove the girls crazy. But now he was dead. The article said he had been electrocuted during a hairstyling incident. The police were investigating. I just couldn’t believe it. I really couldn’t. Now it was him? When would it be me?

For a while, Smith had been running a restaurant and catering business in the Old Town. I walked by the place reading the paper, and then went down the hill to the new hotel and spa. For a long time, they had talked about building a hotel and spa in town, but nothing had come of it. Perhaps it had been worth the wait. It was vast and mostly open air, like the famed Blue Lagoon on Iceland’s Reykjanes Peninsula. In the distance, I noticed large white and brown objects floating in its frothy hot spring-fed pools. Soon, one of these objects drifted closer, and a large white seal turned belly up in the waters near the white stone steps. The seal looked quite content to swim like that, and from my position, I could also see a large rocky island in the center of the swimming area. “That’s a nature preserve for the animals,” someone told me. “We’re not allowed to swim out there.”

Intrigued, I took a walk along the waterfront. Little cafés had opened up to serve the guests. You know what I am talking about, street food joints, with little round tables shielded with umbrellas from a non-existent Estonian sun. It was actually partly sunny or partly cloudy on that day, and there was a light breeze. I looked over the barrier into the pools and saw a few black bears swimming by. At one café table, Erland was seated, freshly returned from Sweden. His hair was still long, down to his shoulders. I walked over and took a seat next to Erland.

“Did you hear about Smith?” I asked him.

“No, what about him?” he said. “I haven’t seen him since I got back to town.”

“He’s dead.”

“What? But how is that even possible? Did someone murder him?”

I shook my head. “He was accidentally electrocuted at the hair salon.”

“That’s too bad. It does seem like everyone is dying these days. First Agostinho, now Smith. Hopefully we’re not next.”

“Yes, hopefully,” I said.

Our drinks arrived and we sipped them. In the meantime, Erland’s infant son had climbed up on the table and then accidentally slipped onto the ground. He was there on the concrete sobbing in a pool of tears. I went over and picked the child up, but he seemed uninjured and I handed the tot over to Erland. Smith’s widow Külliki came to the café, with their daughter Stina. They were both dressed in light-colored dresses. Neither seemed particularly upset.

“Is it really true,” I shouted out to Külliki. “Is Smith really dead?”

She nodded, but in a nonchalant way. She was picking flower petals and admiring the spa.

“These things just happen,” Külliki said, picking at her flower. “These things just happen.”

IT WASN’T THAT LATE, but I was exhausted. It had been a long day, and between the minus temperatures and heavy meal at the German beer house, I was ready for sleep. I went into the rental apartment and made my bed on the pull-out couch. I even turned my phone off, so that I could sleep peacefully. I thought I was asleep, actually, until I heard several people enter the main room of the apartment. “Who’s there?” I called out. “Identify yourselves.” No answer came, but I could hear them all talking to each other. “Who’s there? Who’s there? Who’s there?” I cried. About 25 people then came into the room and sat around me Indian style in the dark. They said they were my readers and that they wanted to know about my new book.

It was an interesting crew of attendees. Sting, for example, was sitting in the front row, looking like he did around the time that he played a bell boy in Quadrophenia. He told me not to let anyone else know about his secret visit to Tartu. Then another familiar personage stood up among the readers and identified himself. “My name is Keanu,” said the dark-haired man. “I am probably best known as the bassist for Dogstar.” “That’s not true,” I said. “You are best known as Ted ‘Theodore’ Logan of Bill & Ted’s Most Excellent Adventure. And what about The Matrix?” “But Dogstar is my true passion!” commanded Keanu Reeves. “Tell us all about your new book!”

I was in my pajamas, so this was kind of an uncomfortable meeting with readers. Later, we went out to tour the city, making stops at the City Theatre and the Botanical Gardens. Much of it was organized by Davča, a bow-tied Czech entrepreneur, former executive at Maersk, and major figure in Baltic Sea trade. A young woman who bore a passing resemblance to the singer Nicki Minaj came along, and would not let me resist her sexual advances. “Please, please, can I be with you!” She wouldn’t leave me alone. “Fine,” I said, “let’s do it right here.” We went into an alleyway, where I began to lick her rather large brown breasts. This went on for some time until Davča popped his head into the alleyway and said, “Hey, you two, no more time for breasts! Keanu, Sting, and the others are waiting!” It was time to go visit the Christmas Fair.

I DIDN’T REALIZE that there was a cluster of houses in a hollow across from Kassitoome in Tartu. How I had never walked into this secret hideaway neighborhood was a mystery to me. That it had been repossessed by hipsters and eco-hippies was not surprising. I suppose it had once been a little industrial alley of shoemakers and blacksmiths in the old days, but now there were little red brick bungalows and wobbly lean-to wooden huts serving up tropical smoothies and chickpea-flour wraps. Men with well-groomed beards recounted their adventures in climbing Nepalese mountains, or picking avocados in the Southern Hemisphere, or how they got the first of a whole series of tribal tattoos, while their dreadlock-headed consorts flagrantly nursed their babes in plain view and talked about vaccines and Chinese astrology.

At the end of this alley, there was a tall building that opened up on the other side onto Jakobi Street. This served as a newer part of the University of Tartu Museum, but there was some office space upstairs. I walked into the lobby, and took the elevator up, hoping to come out on Jakobi Street on the other side. But instead, the great glass elevator only went higher and higher until it reached the very top floor. It continued to rise, and I could feel the elevator itself begin to come apart. I panicked and held onto a bar, in case the floor collapsed out from beneath me. Then I kicked the door to the elevator apart, as hard as I could. At last, the glass shattered, and a man in a suit came running from the desk of the museum and helped me out. He looked a bit like Steve Carell in his role as “Michael” in The Office. “Michael” apologized for the inconvenience, but I didn’t care. I was just happy to get out of that Tartu death trap alive.