IT WAS AUTUMN, the sky was gray, the trees were nearly stripped of their leaves. We were driving through the country though it was unclear what country. There was a field and then we crossed the railroad tracks. The crossing gates were up and, truth be told, it didn’t look like there was a lot of freight traffic on that route. After the tracks, we entered a forest and there were houses on both sides, with long driveways leading up to them. Old wooden houses. The driver turned to me — I was in the passenger side seat — and said, “You know, your great grandmother Genevieve lives up that road over there, do you want to go and meet her now?”

“My great grandmother?” I asked. “Lives?”

“Yes, your great grandmother lives in that house there. I’m sure she’d be happy to see you.”

But my great grandmother Genevieve was dead. She had been dead for 40 years. Or had she? Maybe she had just moved into this forest here, a little way’s away from the railroad tracks. Maybe she had been hiding out all this time, minding her own business, waiting for visitors. I imagined her sitting at the window there, waiting. What would I even say to her? The last time I saw her, I was only three years old. She was born in the 1890s. If she was still alive, she would be the oldest person in the world. Pushing 130. Something for the record books, for sure.

“Should I turn back?” the driver asked. He was maybe 10 years older than me, had lighter hair, working class manners and and a working class accent. Being a driver seemed to be his job.

I thought it over. I wanted to see her, but the thought of having tea with a 130-year-old Irish lady on a dreary day in some country house, well, it just didn’t sit right with me at all.

“Maybe later,” I told the driver. “We can go and see my great grandma later. Some other day.”

I WAS SENT TO SCHOOL in girl’s clothes. My mother told me it was “Opposite Day.” Fortunately, this only involved having my hair tied up in a bun and wearing a pink shirt and jeans. None of this outfit fit me well. The shirt was too constricting, the jeans — stone washed — were ridiculous, as were those white sneakers. The bun was the first to go. It felt so good to let my hair down, and by that time, my body had torn the pink top, so that my hairy chest was revealed in all of its grotesque, Planet of the Apes glory. “Opposite Day” was a great failure.

The school had grown in the decades since I had left it. I was, after all, the sixth grade class of 1992. Nineteen Ninety-two. The summer of the Dream Team at Barcelona. The presidential election that brought us “Slick Willie” Bill Clinton, the Comeback Kid, blazing his saxophone on the Arsenio Hall Show. There were new wings of the school, and to get from one part of the school to the other, a gondola lift system had been installed. I rode the gondola lift from the farthest wing of the school. I rode past the cafeteria and the old Theatre Arts classrooms.

Things had changed in every way. Dramatically. All of the stone walls had been rebuilt with rough wood planks. There were trees — birch saplings — growing in the entrance. The library too had trees growing in it. The stone floors had been replaced with gravel and grass. There were also red chickens clucking around the foyer, and some students were harvesting giant-sized pumpkins, and putting them in carts. It was a New England scene. Everyone in vests.

But the layout of the school remained the same. Mrs. Coldflesh’s Nurse’s Office was still there, as was Mrs. Laketree’s office. She was the assistant principal. And on the right, facing the front of the school, I could see Principal Clocks’ grandiose office. This too had been reconstructed of wood, and a smaller, older woman came out to greet me. She was wearing a gray jacket and had on a black shirt. I was still wearing my Opposite Day outfit. The pink top was in tatters, my hair hung down. What a dumb idea, to dress me like a girl. Wasn’t it obvious that I was a man?

“What are you doing here?” asked the new principal. She had shortly cut gray hair and glasses.

“I used to go to school here,” I told her. “Back when Bill Clocks was running the place. Surely you’ve heard of him. I think Bill Clocks was the most well-known principal this school has ever had. We all loved him. Truth be told, I spent a lot of time in his office. We got in lots of trouble.”

“Clocks?” the principal looked at me and folded her hands. “I’ve never heard of a Bill Clocks. That must have been a long time ago indeed.”

I WAS WALKING in the garden when I saw it lying there on the pebbly ground. It was a quarter of a fish, neatly cut through on both sides. The cuts were fresh, and the flesh was still pink. The fish had a clean smell to it. I wasn’t sure what kind it was, maybe salmon, maybe trout. I’m not a fisherman like Murphy is. Stooping down, I examined the fish. Maybe it had fallen out of someone’s shopping bag? A likely story. The likeliest. A few paces away though there was another piece of fresh fish. This time it was a fish’s head. This piece had been severed at the gills. The fish’s eyes were intact, staring up at the gray skies. Thunder rumbled.

I walked along through the garden. I could see the hedge in the distance, and there was a fountain in the center. As I was walking, I heard a few thuds up ahead. There were more pieces of fish that had landed. What was going on? I surveyed the horizon, and could see small pieces of fish dropping from the clouds. How could it be? Maybe it happened sometimes, if there was a storm or squall. The storm might just draw up anything it could get its hands, or clouds on, into the heavens, and then release them somewhere else, like this English garden right here.

There were other things dropping. Bones. There was a nearly intact human skeleton up ahead. It was wearing an old-fashioned three-cornered hat, the kind you might find on a captain in the Golden Age of Piracy. At the house, some relatives had already begun to inspect one of these skeletal precipitations. “Look at its fingers,” a girl said. “This is an old skeleton. This was probably plucked out of a graveyard. That’s probably what happened. A great waterspout!”

Maybe it was. Maybe the clouds had absorbed a lake, complete with fish and a submerged cemetery. Now they were releasing the pieces in our garden. It was tea time by then, and we sat around on the terrace drinking a hot cup of tea. Two of my cousins were trying to piece together different bones like they were forensic scientists. One arm led to a torso. This leg attached to this pelvis. Some of the fingers had silver rings. What were we to do with the fish?

Maybe we should just fry them up on the spot?

I REMEMBERED AT THIS MOMENT that I had a gig up in Walnut Creek. Just me and my guitar. Riken, the lanky Japanese mountaineer and naturalist, had entered the house, a palatial English manor home, and I was telling him about the fish and the skeletons. He said there had to be some reasonable atmospheric explanation for everything. “It happens all the time that fish and pirate skeletons drop from the sky,” he said. I told him I was worried about the gig, he told me not to worry. “Just wing it. Play them some blues. Something from the Son House songbook.”

I loaded up my car and started the long drive north to the gig. Along the way, I stopped at my girlfriend’s house. Francesca wasn’t there, but all of her Italian cousins were, and her Uncle Rudy was also there. My car was filthy, and I began to quickly wipe down the dashboard as Uncle Rudy came over to examine it. “Mazda,” is all he said, with his thick eyebrows arching up. He looked like that old actor, Chaz Palminteri. He was even wearing a black polo shirt and, yes, a gold chain, but the chain wasn’t too big or too gold. Various Italian cousins were marching back and forth in front of the house, like those kids in The Sound of Music. “Francesca is out,” Uncle Rudy said. “I just wanted to say hi,” I said. “I’m late for a gig in Walnut Creek.” Uncle Rudy paid me no attention. He wanted to know more about the car, how it drove.

LATER WHEN I GOT BACK from the gig, I hid myself away from the world in the manor house. My room was overcrowded with junk. There was barely any space to sleep. Riken the mountaineer came in and turned on a lamp. “How did it go?” he asked. “It went all right. I played the blues, just as you advised. They liked it.” Riken nodded. It was like he knew everything before it was going to happen. Fish dropping from the sky with pirate skeletons? No problem. Gig in Walnut Creek for which one is ill-prepared? Just play some Son House.

“See, I knew you could do it,” Riken said approvingly. “I knew that you could play the blues.”

‘IS THIS SEAT TAKEN?’ she asked. I looked up at the young woman in her school uniform. A black jacket, a black skirt. She had curly strawberry blonde hair, but her face was youthful, there was still a bit of baby fat around the chin, and she had a few pimples. I observed every part of her but could match her to no other individual in my mental database. I just had never seen her before. It was a weird question though. The table was small, and another person, a sort of nondescript young man with dark hair and glasses was sitting opposite me with his plate of potatoes, bulgur, and his glass of milk. He was doing a crossword. With a spoon, I was digging out the last chunks of chia pudding, made by the king of the folk music festival himself. Ando the K had gone into the confectionary trade, it seemed. It was tasty stuff. His speciality.

“I guess you could sit here,” I said to the young woman. With my invitation, it seemed like a storm blew through the cafeteria. A young man in a jean jacket walked by, with the wind from the storm in his hair. He looked like an extra from Top Gun in his shades but otherwise was undisturbed by this new hurricane. The young woman swept away all the plates and dishes from the table and I found myself on top of it. She mounted me at once, straddling me. Her hair was gusting up into the air. She looked like lightning. “This is what you wanted!” she yelled into my face. “You have been ignoring me, but you can never get away. This is what you want!”

“Yes,” is all I said, giving in to her. “Yes.”

LATER, I found myself at a construction site on the edge of town. A new hotel was being erected. At the edge of the hotel, there was a pool that had just been filled with water. Some people were jumping into the pool, even though it wasn’t allowed yet. Inside, there was a book event. There were books spilling all over the grand foyer of this brand new hotel. It was quite an impressive place, right out of the Gilded Age with its staircases, mirrors, and chandeliers. There was a new woman helping out with the sales of the books.

When the event was over, we had packed up all the books and were on our way out the door, when I saw the new woman standing in a shadowy corner. She was leaning against the wall there in the dark. Who was she even? She didn’t look familiar. She had tufts of dark curly hair and very pink lips. She could have been Israeli, or Palestinian. Throughout Estonia there were these Middle Eastern-looking Estonians. Spanish shipwreck off the island of Saaremaa. Or were they Portuguese? Some kind of story like that. I leaned in and we started to kiss. “Wow, so fast with you,” she said, kissing me back. “No small talk or anything, you get right to work.”

I felt like I was lost, lost in some maze or labyrinth of women. No matter which way I turned, one would be lurking in some corner, or mounting me on a lunch table in a stormy cafeteria. That’s when I woke up. I was in bed with the neighbor again. There I was, naked from head to toe. She was at one end. I was at the other. I felt warm in that bed. It felt like Christmas. The Doors were playing in the dim background. “I love those sounds you make,” she said, looking up with a glorious smile on her face. “I love that I can make you make those lovely sounds.”

I DIDN’T KNOW that my new tablet had something that might have been deemed “magic GPS.” There I was, standing in a gymnasium full of so many relatives that we almost didn’t all fit. My parents were there, and my daughters, and their mother, and that neighbor who love/hates me, and I was being turned “every which way but loose”, to reference that old Clint Eastwood movie, the one with the orangutan. “Can you do this?” “Can you do that?” “He is the problem!”

Then I set the controls for the north and voila. I was floating above the Saint Lawrence River. Rick Rickard, an anthropologist from William and Mary who specialized in the study of indigenous peoples, was also there. He was sort of like that George Carlin character from Bill & Ted’s Most Excellent Adventure. Rufus! He was even wearing a black trench coat and curating the area to me. The American side of the river looked more wooded, with gently sloping landforms that gently descended into the rushing clear waters of the river. I could even see the boulders deep below the water’s surface. On the other side, cold, barren stones emerged carrying Canada up on their stony shoulders all the way to the cold north and frosty Nunavut.

Rickard showed me the Mohawk settlements of Kanehsatà:ke, Akwesasne, and Kahnawake, and there was some discussion about the limits of Haudenosaunee control, the Saint Lawrence Iroquoians, which once numbered more than a hundred thousand strong, and he showed me the site of the Attignawantan villages, who would later evolve into those Wyandot or Huron. “But as we know, not all Iroquoians were friends,” said Dr. Rick Rickard. And then he was gone.

Disappeared back to his university office.

I began to drift westward down the river. In my mind, I didn’t want to go in this direction, having some innate fear of Niagara Falls, and decided to head east. Holding my magic tablet, with its magic GPS, I meandered along the river, encountering beautiful French villages built into the bluffs around it. You would have thought that I was in Grenoble or some such place. It was almost night now, and I could see the glowing street lanterns of the Quebecois villages.

At some point, I noticed there was a sort of castle built on the east side of the river, and paused by an old bridge to take a photo of it. I thought my relatives would appreciate a snapshot of my river journeys. They were still messaging me, as if I happened to be lost somewhere outside that massive family gathering. But so far nobody had specifically requested that I do anything. As far as they knew, I was still on hand. They didn’t know that I was lost up in Canada taking photos of Quebec bastions along the Saint Lawrence River.

My plan was to follow it as far as I could east and, if I still had some time, to even swoop down to Nova Scotia, before returning quietly to the family gathering. But then the tablet stopped working. A passing car soaked it in mud and snow and the whole thing fell apart. I tried to put it back together, but the screen just wouldn’t work. I was truly screwed. I was stuck up on the Saint Lawrence River with no way home. Another car passed by and I flagged it down. It was being driven by an old Quebecois in a plaid shirt. His son was in the passenger side seat. I explained to them what had happened and the son, a good-natured lad, couldn’t believe it.

“Incredible! It cannot be true!”

We drove through a series of tunnels that had been built, perhaps, in the early years of Nouvelle-France. The roads through these river-side tunnels were paved with cobblestones. It had a particularly French feel. They let me out somewhere around Kamouraska, on the east bank of the Saint Lawrence River. The ancestral home of the Kerouacs. I felt disappointed about being unable to get that photo of the castle. I also had no idea how I would be getting home from Canada to the family gathering back in wherever. It was getting quite dark now, and a light snow began to fall. I was standing in an apple orchard along the Saint Lawrence.

I jumped up into the wind and began to fly away.